Human Stage

stage 1
Young, dumb & full of impulses

We'll consider the first stage of a man's life as approximately the first 25 youthful years. In this stage, you're far from being a man. Everything you do is reckless and not planned out. You're a risk-taker because you don't know how dangerous the risks are. You don't think about the consequences of your actions.

You think of your needs, your desires. You're a selfish bastard. You have no need or respect for authority. Worse, you think you know everything there is to know about life, yet you know nothing. You could be smart, but you're not smart enough -- you're a stronzo. You're blinded by your inexperience and stupidity. You chase skirts like a baboon. You're a kid in a candy store.

What should you be doing in this stage? Keeping your mouth shut and learning from others. Plain and simple. You will fall down. Just make sure you're falling down a flight of stairs, not the Grand Canyon. Be smart about your risks because burning people you might need in the future is not smart. Cement friendships, cement loyalties. You're too dumb and stupid to orchestrate a revolution; learn what you need to know to do that in the next stage of a man's life. Stay ambitious, but have a plan for that ambition. Find a good woman who will clean and cook for you... you need a strong foundation.

Biggest strength: You're fearless and ambitious.
Biggest weakness: You think you know it all, yet you don't even know your own elbow.


stage 2
Older, smarter, but not wise yet


The second stage of life starts when things just start to "click." Things that weren't clear before suddenly come into focus.

You start to understand how the world works and realize that only the guys with power and money mean anything because they control all the chips in the world. In the game of life, they're always the players at the table who make the decisions.

You realize that life is a game, and that even though there are rules, it is those who bend them to the extreme who get ahead. At times, if there are no rules in the game, that's OK too, and you learn how to play along. You realize the world is great but corrupt, and you must adapt. You're gaining a bit of wisdom.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're still in Stage 1, even if your driver's license says you were born in 1952. Those who know what I'm talking about know that I don't need to explain what these "rules" are. There is no damn instruction booklet you get on your 30th birthday. They know what they are because they understand the ways of the world. It's all about the "click" theory. Capisce? No? Wait a few years.

In this stage of life, you start to respect and appreciate authority.
At this point in your life, you've come to appreciate and respect the need for structure, for authority. You begin to fear things such as the risk of failure, the consequences of actions, of not being right. But it doesn't stop you from trying to execute your ambition. You're just smarter about how you accomplish your goals. You still love women, but you don't chase them anymore. By now you've picked the three women in your life: your wife, your mistress and your girlfriend. I sound like a freaking horoscope over here.

What should you be doing in this stage? You should still be learning and listening, but now you're taking action too. You realize that you're not going to be a trainee for life; you will be a student and then become a teacher. You start figuring things out and start delivering results. This is the enlightenment stage of your life and you revel in the chance to fulfill your destiny as a man. (Now I really like sound like a testa di merda with all this philosophy crap.)

Most importantly, you stop being a cafone. You don't make dumb mistakes anymore. You make smart mistakes.

stage 3
The wise, older man


The third stage of life occurs when you have acquired wisdom. If you haven't reached this stage by your 50th birthday, move to Boca Raton now and buy yourself a dozen pairs of white knee socks, and get the hell out of my way on the parkway.

The third stage is the greatest stage in life because this is where you come to terms with what you have and haven't accomplished in life. You accept your shortcomings and failures, and enjoy your victories. You're now ready to pass your wisdom and life experience on to others.

You're always learning, but now you do it because you enjoy it, not because you need it. You become a teacher. You're no longer a wise guy; you're a wise man. You don't have time for BS anymore. You're a don.

At this point, you've learned and mastered all the lessons I've written about in my articles. Everything makes sense; you understand how everything in life works. Best of all, mistakes disappear, and you ration your words so that when you speak, everyone listens. You command respect and deserve it.

This is when you have the opportunity to be cocky; to say "I know it all." But, of course, you're too smart to do that. You stop fearing death -- you accept it. You realize that you won't master Latin, but you come to accept that too and deal with what you do know.

What should you be doing in this stage? I don't have to tell you, you know. Life is good.

Biggest strength: You are wise. You are made.
Biggest weakness: You don't take many risks. But who needs to take risks when you have a Filipina mistress and a house in Arizona next to a golf course?

On to the last stage of a man's life, the one that comes right before you die

stage 4
The bitter, old man


The fourth stage in a man's life is a sad stage because you start to regress. You can't go up, you can't become wiser, so you go down and get stupid again. Despite your wisdom, despite your experience, despite what you've accomplished, the consensus is that you did that back when people didn't have refrigerators. Your wisdom and your understanding of the ways of the world have become outdated.

You become irrelevant and you can't stand it because you were once so highly respected. So you become bitter and start bitching about it, like a kid. At its worst, you reverse your growth and go back to having the same characteristics of the young fool. You become emotional, irrational, "no one shows me respect; no one cares about me; back in the old days we knew what it was like to suffer," etc.

You fear no one (except guys in white jackets) because you have Alzheimer's. You still teach, but people don't listen like they used to. If you were the Boss of your "family," you become the retired boss, a symbolic figurehead because someone else is calling the shots and you haven't finished writing up your will yet. You start chasing skirts again -- nurses with skirts.

What should you be doing in this stage? What does it matter? You're going to die soon. Here's a tip: don't pee on the carpet when you visit your daughter-in-law.

Biggest strength: You likely become an intermediary in disputes. You will be sought out for your unbiased (if outdated) opinion.